I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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