i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There's always time for handjobs
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
