she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
