Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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