I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Small penises have feelings too.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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