Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
