He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
