i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
