you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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