Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
