i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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