I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
