I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
