she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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