Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
