i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
