I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
