Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
