thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Who died my cat blue again?
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