I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
