I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
