I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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