Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
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