The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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