Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Your penis caused this!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
