May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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