Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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