How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
