This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
