The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
