but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
