Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
