U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
