now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
