I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
someone owes me an orgasm
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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