some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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