I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
In other news, I just burned my penis
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
