no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
