We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
