And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
