i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
