M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
