can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
