Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Randomize
