I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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