what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
