Pants 0. Shit 1.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
