i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
