so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
