You're completely useless in the revolution.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
