i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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