He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
